Aside from the chlorine-chapped skin, the crunchy hair, the uphill battle for hairless skin, the ungodly early mornings, the- where was I going with this? Oh right, besides all that, swimming is a magnificent sport. Though most swimmers will admit that training is often unpleasant, if you knock our beloved sport, we’ll defend it with a vengeance. Among other things, here is a sampling of thoughts we encounter as swimmers day-in and day-out:
1. Contemplating whether or not that hottie at the beach can see your racerback tan lines. (The answer is yes. Even if he were ogling you from the international space station – yes.)
2. Loving and hating the summer Olympics at the same time. Loving them because of all the swimming coverage. Hating them because suddenly everyone knows everything about swimming. (Where were you before Michael Phelps was a thing?)
3. Wondering if staring at a single black line for hours a day will actually make you insane…
4. When all your friends are lying about their age to get into bars, you’re seriously considering lying about being younger to avoid ageing up.
5. Trying not to roll your eyes when non-swimmers ask “did you win your swim meet?!”.
6. Wondering how you can have great posture and swimmers shoulders at the same time. (Stretch those pecs, baby!))
7. Figuring out how you can sneak the word ‘fins’ after the entire training set list and not have your coach realize it.
8. Wondering if a judge would throw out a murder case because maybe he’s a swimmer too and realizes just how frustrating it can be to get back to the wall only to realize that someone has stolen your kickboard during the set.
9. Trying not to roll your eyes when gym rats complain about a measly 2 minute break between sets. Try catching your breath in 20 seconds – then we’ll talk. Or maybe gasp.
10. Contemplating giving up on swimming altogether when your goggles slip off at the beginning of a race.
11. Getting depressed when you think about all the money you’ve spent on specialty soap/shampoo/perfume to cover up your perpetual chlorine smell. (Just rock it!)
12. Considering cutting off contact with someone when you tell them you’re a swimmer and they innocently ask, ‘Oh, synchronized?”.
13. Secretly loving when your coach punishes your lane/team because fly is really your favorite stroke. (Ok, maybe that’s just me. Sadistic?)
14. Trying to figure out a way to make permanent goggle marks a fashion statement.
15. Imagining what the rest of the world does on Friday nights because they don’t have to wake up at 4am for a meet.
16. Knowing that it’s perfectly reasonable to passionately love and loathe swimming at the same time. Something your non swimmer friends will never understand!